On making plans

Lately, I have been thinking about John Steinbeck's statement in Of Mice and Men: "The best laid plans..." You know how it goes.

When I left my job in professional hockey communications, I planned on focusing on finishing my thesis. I put my life into storage for a year and moved back into the family home to save on costs. I was so intent on getting my work done by the next convocation date. I remember how determined I was.

And then, the NHL lockout started. Which really, shouldn't have affected my plans, except that my thesis was on professional hockey and players' use of social media. And the players I had earmarked to interview for my thesis were either not available or I couldn't contact them because of communications restrictions during the lockout.

So I bid my time and when the lockout ended, I jumped on the opportunity to move forward with my plans, albeit one semester later than I'd planed on finishing the thesis. And then, I was diagnosed with ridiculously low iron levels. We're talking so low that my doctors wondered how I was standing straight, let alone working out three times a week. This also explained my chronic fatigue, and why every time I tried to work on my thesis, I'd basically fall asleep at my desk. Or on the couch. Or in bed. Sometimes literally.

I took more iron supplements than an average pregnant lady must take, and eventually got myself to a manageable energy levels. By then, I had already decided that I was due for a career change, and had applied to, and gotten in to, the Faculty of Education at Queen's University. That gave me the summer before my programme started to try to finish my thesis. I worked like a horse (or insert your favourite hard-working analogy here) and submitted what I thought was a well-rounded, mostly complete draft to my supervisor just two weeks into my new programme. Note the word "draft". My new plan was shot, as was the opportunity to graduate in the winter of 2013.

All year, I've worked on my thesis between Education homework and teaching assignments, hoping not to let this next opportunity to graduate slip through my fingers. My thesis is currently days away from being ready for the defence process. This plan finally seems to be going well!

But then there's the career plan. As we all know, there are no teaching jobs in Canada, especially not in Ontario. Or so say all the government and union representatives. And yet, there are plenty of opportunities for teachers with French skills. As I am fully bilingual, I planned on taking my French as a Second Language course this spring, so that I would be qualified to apply to the only teaching jobs a new teacher can get: those in French.

Indeed, my plan was to settle down and teach in Kingston for the rest of my life. But you know what they say... One minute I'm covering all my bases by attending a career fair at school that provided options for careers outside of traditional teaching jobs - including overseas opportunities - and then, after a brief conversation, and 20 minutes of more formal conversation, I was offered a teaching position in Sweden. Within 24 hours, I had accepted the position, and I am very much looking forward to teaching math at the Internationella Engelska Skolan in Sundsvall, Sweden for the next two years.

As much as this latest change of plans is exciting, it also means I have to make a bunch of other plans: visa applications, wrapping up my life in Kingston, moving overseas... And I've got until August to figure it all out. I cannot express how eager and happy I am to be stepping into this new adventure! My only reservation? I have no idea what to expect. And I think I've finally learned my lesson about making plans.

On vague reflections

Sometimes, the answer is not where you expect to find it. It's not what you've been building up to or what you've worked so hard to accomplish.

Sometimes, finding the answer means going back to the beginning, to your origin story, to see where you belong.

Sometimes, the answer is right in front of you and has been all along. You just couldn't see it because you didn't know you could, or even that it existed.

Sometimes, the answer is something you didn't ever think possible, so you abandoned it long ago. But when the universe opens up that opportunity to you once more, you cannot ignore it.

Sometimes, the answer is doing what you always wanted to do but never thought you could, though you always knew you could, and that you would be good at it, if you could.

I think I have found my answer. And though it will be scary and hard to let go of everything I have become, I don't see how I can live with myself if I don't try.

Because if I succeed, I think I can truly have it all.

Fingers crossed!

On making choices

I seem to be having an identity crisis these days. I hear it's quite common amongst others in my age group.

Many people have them upon reaching a major milestone or realizing a significant achievement. Some have one earlier in life, and others, much later. Some, like me, have them often. Apparently, it's a personality trait to be constantly searching for new, or bigger and better. Perhaps it is why my interests and ambitions are so varied... It keeps me feeling involved and evolved, growing yet dedicated to the task at hand.

Since the past few months have been so tumultuous for me, it's no wonder that finally submitting my thesis proposal would be a major source of relief. While everything else in my life is still a developing story, meeting my academic deadline is definitely good news. Yet, more than ever, I find myself wondering what's next. One bundle of stress has been replaced by a gazillion others.

Where does my future lie, I ask myself day in and day out. When waking up or trying really hard to fall asleep. When switching tabs and trying to get some work done. When doing the dishes or showering. When... Well, you get the point. It's a major source of worry for me.

As an overthinker and an overanalyzer, I've been picking out all my interests as they peak and asking myself if they're the path I want to follow. I love Kingtson dearly and have made many friends here, but let's face it, my career goals probably require a move. Then again, there's the possibility of staying in Kingston forever and ever, because I love it so.

I'll let you in on a not-so-secret... While I've been working on my Masters', I've also been applying to jobs that would fall under the "dream" category. Social media consultant positions in the sports industry, marketing, communications or social media director with pro sports organizations, even reporting at the London 2012 Olympic and Paralympic Games. Some applications have gone further than others - sometimes quite surprisingly! - but in the end, all roads have led to disappointment and doubt. Perhaps it's the "ongoing research" part of my CV or the tiny little fact that I can't legally work in the USA unless someone sponsors me. Or maybe I just suck at writing captivating cover letters for an HR audience - I do tend to aim them more towards Senior VPs. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm not good enough.

Because after all, that's the thought that always sparks identity crises, whether on the personal or professional front. "Maybe I'm not good enough."

And the worst part is, there's no way of truly getting an honest, accurate answer. People will rarely tell you to your face, and though rejection letters seem to be saying that you're not, we've all learned by now that sometimes, it's just because you weren't the right person at the right place at the right time who knows the right insider. Or at least, that's what they tell me. That and, "Don't give up!" or "Sometimes you have to take a step back to take a step forward," or any other similar supposedly encouraging clichés.

Let me be blunt. I am not a spoiled, stuck-up brat who thinks the world should be handed to me on a platter. But I've done my due diligence, and I'm tired of entry level positions that go nowhere. I know I can do the job, anyone who's ever worked with me knows I can do the job, heck! Even random network contacts on Twitter know I can do the job! And yet this road seems to lead nowhere. It's hard not to get discouraged. I will keep applying, but there's only so much disappointment and rejection one can take.

And so one must explore other avenues. Yes, I still crave work in the sports industry. I crave it like I do chocolate when I'm PMSing (or any time, really.) But the world doesn't stop spinning or wait for you to understand precisely what it is you need to get that little boost, gain that tiny little edge, and get you where you want and need to be to feel fulfilled professionally.

Other roads that seem to hold this promise include the previous mentioned "Stay in Kingston forever because I love it" scenario as well as the brand new and surprising (to me) "Pursue a PhD" option.

No, really! The girl who was afraid of completing a thesis is still here, but she is now freaking out about comps (comprehensive examinations), committing to a long-term research idea instead of a spontaneous one, quantitative courses like Statistics and Variables, and, more urgently, taking the GMAT or GRE standardized test. That's the big one. The barrier to entry, so to speak. At least from way over here, comps seem relatively benign in comparison to the big, looming, "better score high or forget about it" standardized test.

Yes, I'm aware there are courses and study guides and practice tests. Still. Fellow graduate students, when was the last time you took a closed book, closed environment exam? (Don't answer that, MBAs!) It's a scary scenario when it's been a while, and yet one I'm increasingly strongly considering. Or at least exploring. I've still got a thesis to write, after all, and I would really prefer a program that allowed me flexibility in my course plan so that I feel intellectually stimulated and challenged in all the right ways. And like I'm finally on track. So if you're aware of any excellent innovative Sports Management PhD programs in Canada or the USA, I'm all ears!

And then there's the Kingston plan. I've said it before (at least twice in this post alone!), I <3 Kingston. There's something about it that's charming and exciting. Perhaps the mix of old and new, the blend of city and country. Whatever it is, it repeatedly fills me with joy and childlike glee. Maybe I could build a life in Kingston, I think. Consult (social media), communicate (PR), start a business (CarShare Kingston). All three options are interesting and viable and have been suggested to me by other Kingston residents as well. But these feelings are eerily similar to ones I've felt before about the media industry and the sports industry, and we all know how that's working out.

If I were to choose Kingston, I think I would run for City Councillor in 2014, the next municipal elections. It would be interesting, challenging, stimulating, and it would make me feel like I'm accomplishing something important by representing my fellow residents at City Hall. It would also be a responsibility I would wholeheartedly enjoy and dedicate myself too.

These traits are also the ones friends and colleagues point out when I mention the possibility of doing a PhD. "You like research and you're good at it." It's true. I love digging, discovering, and sharing. I've often been told I would be a good teacher. I would like to think I'd be a better professor - I'd be teaching people who, for the most part, are in my classroom by choice. The only aspect of academia that I'm not 100% in tune with is the highly political process of funding applications and other higher education administrative games.

Maybe I'm an idealist, but I believe that most research has value, and that should be enough for funding agencies. I'm not sure where the money should come from, but I just don't like the thought of competing against my friends and colleagues every year, not just for money but for tenure. It gets to be damaging. Sure, I'm pretty competitive and I like to win. But I also like harmonious working environments and I feel like this process fosters quite the opposite in most departments.

In the end, I may choose a completely different path, perhaps one that hasn't even been revealed to me yet. Meanwhile, I'm struggling with the three roads in front of me. Doing nothing is not an option, though delaying a choice by defaulting to Kingston might be. At as now, there is no pressing urge to commit to a single road - except to stop the clock in my head from ticking annoyingly - and I will keep marching along on all three for as long as I can. But ultimately, a choice must be made, and as application deadlines creep increasingly closer, I must at least decide whether I will be deciding now or not.

Maybe I'm just impatient. Maybe I'm just letting various sources of stress gang up on me, overwhelming and confusing me. But this identity crisis is as real as any, and the planner in me wants to know now, so at least I can cross certain items of my to-do list, thereby reducing overall stress levels and allowing life to proceed at a totally tolerable, no longer terrible, operationally cautionary rhythm and rate.

As Douglas Adams would say, "DON'T PANIC!"

On Bridges That Unite

Looking for something unique to do this month? Need more culture in your life? I know I do.

Consider visiting "Bridges That Unite", a free bilingual exhibition taking place at Concordia University's McConnell Building Atrium until March 26, 2010.

As per the press release, Bridges That Unite

"invites visitors to consider Canada's role in the world through the lens of a remarkable 25-year partnership with the Aga Khan Development Network (AKDN) in some of the world's most isolated and impoverished regions. Thought-provoking stories spanning several continents are told through powerful images, evocative soundscapes and multimedia components."

Yes, that last part is actually true.

Every time I've been to the exhibition so far - 2 times and counting! - I have discovered new images and new text. It's not that the exhibition is constantly changing, it's just that I'm absorbing the information in a different way. It's a little uninviting at first due to the layout of the exhibition in a tight, linear space, but once you're in it, you're in.

I was delighted to discover the ring of chairs, a symbol of the thought and communication that goes into the planning of development programmes. It's the starting point for meaningful social change that will make a lasting impact even in the most remote and impoverished areas of the world. As part of the ring of chairs exhibit, you can listen to recorded testimonials from some of the people who have witnessed this impact first-hand.

One of them is Steve Mason, who worked as a programme manager for Aga Khan Foundation in Afghanistan and whom I met as the head of Aga Khan Foundation East Africa during my visit to Kenya. I remember being so immensely impressed by his talent, work and dedication to improving the lives and livelihoods of these communities and I yearned to learn from his experience. As I found out this weekend, he was just appointed as the first CEO of AKF West Africa. Congrats, Steve!

Bridges That Unite has many more well-hidden secrets but have no fear! There are guides available to help you decipher all the panels and the stories they tell. Dressed in red vests, these guides are on site during regular business hours, 7 days a week.

What I enjoyed the most about Bridges That Unite was the feeling you get when you're walking around. It's not a feeling of desperation and anger and death. It's a feeling of love, help and hope. It makes you wonder what Canada can do to continue in this successful partnership with the developing world. It makes you wonder what you can do - what I can do - to provide that spark of hope that will make the world a better place.

I haven't figured it out yet, but if and when you do, write it on a sticky note and affix that note to the board in the Bridges That Unite exhibition that inquires, "The world needs more..."

Who knows? With the right ingredients, maybe we can change the world.

Update on the #H1N1 (aka swine flu) vaccine

Since blogging about the H1N1 vaccine, I have come across several other sources making strong arguments against getting the swine flu vaccine, as well as additional sources debunking those arguments. All this research has made me seriusly re-think my willingness to get inoculated. With all the mixed messages out there, no wonder we're so confused!

Here are some links that you MUST read, no matter which side of the fence you're on (with thanks to my friends who pointed them out):

• "What's the Danger of Swine Flu Vaccinations?" - Written by Dr. Anders Bruun Laursen for the Centre for Research for Globalization, based in Montreal, QC. The article is dated August 20, 2009, and though I hadn't heard of this centre before, it seems pretty credible, especially when you consider the next article.
  

• "Ingredients Found in Spermicides, Cleaners, and Cosmetics along with Thimerosal, and Squalene Present in Experimental H1N1 Vaccine" (Waaaaaah!?) - Written by Jeffry John Aufderheide for VacTRUTH, a source I would be less confident to trust if it weren't for all the well-referenced research. Dated September 11, 2009.

Both these articles were written a while ago, so one would hope that changes have been made. However, I don't recall anything about these concerns being addressed by the media (who are supposed to be a trusted source of information for us, asking the questions we cannot ask). At least, not in Canada.

CBCnews.ca has at least tried to address the issue most Canadians are dealing with in this next article:

• "The vaccination debate: To be jabbed or not", dated October 28, 2009. It looks at both sides of the story, featuring interviews with two doctors who have varying opinions and is a must read for a clear and concise understanding of the main issues in this debate.

Except, of course, it doesn't directly address all of the issues raised in the previously posted two articles. It does, however, point us to the following article:

• "Swine flu myth: The vaccine isn't safe - it has been rushed through tests and the last time there was a swine flu scare the vaccine hurt people. Why take the risk to prevent mild flu?", written by Deborah MacKenzie and published on October 21, 2009 in New Scientist Magazine and on their website.

If you scroll down to the comments, you'll notice people complaining about the squalene in the vaccines. Another commentator then points out that squalene is in olive oil and a bunch of other ingredients we ingest on a daily basis, and produced by our bodies, as explained in this US-based resource on the anthrax vaccine.

Some very smart people read New Scientist... and now I'm more confused than ever. What I would like is an in-depth interview by the CBC (or another similarly trusted broadcaster - seeing how officials react to tough questions is definitely a bonus here) with Canada's chief public health doctor, Dr. David Butler-Jones, should directly address the concerns of Canadians. Namely,

• What exactly is squalene and in what dosage is it harmful?
• How is Canada planning to follow-up on the effectiveness of the vaccine (trials, etc)?
• What about these other toxic substances said to be included in the vaccine?

Who's with me?!

On H1N1 (aka Swine Flu)

Peter Budaj has swine flu. That's right, even NHLers like the Colorado Avalanche goaltender are at risk.

Will NHL players and staff be getting the H1N1 vaccine?

Although the NHL and other sports leagues are said to be monitoring the situation, they have yet to release any widespread policy on the matter. I assume each NHL team will be following the advice of its doctors. But why should NHLers get the H1N1 vaccine? After all, they don't usually get the seasonal flu shot either.

Here are a few reasons why I think NHL players and staff, and YOU should get the H1N1 vaccine.

1. It tends to affect otherwise healthy and younger individuals. Like professional hockey players.
   
   
2. It's a pandemic that's spread more easily through close contact and in contained spaces. Like locker rooms, team buses and airplanes.
   
   
3. It can spread pretty rapidly, even through carriers who might not get sick. In the case of an NHL team, think of the thousands of employees who work in a building like the Bell Centre, from hockey staff to administration to concessions to broadcast TV technicians and reporters. That's a lot of people to potentially infect, and they in turn can infect all of their friends and families.
   
   
4. Getting swine flu blows. I have yet to see a comment from someone who's had swine flu recommending for people NOT to get the vaccine. Even the mild cases can leave you bed-ridden for approximately 5 days. As much fun as it can be to play hooky, who wants to be stuck sick in bed for that long?
   

Heck, even health officials for the Vancouver 2010 Olympics are encouraging all athletes, staff and volunteers to get inoculated!

Yesterday, I posted a story about H1N1 vaccines and prevention on my Facebook page, stating that I am going to get vaccinated as soon as I can (Nov. 23) because I have a chronic illness (asthma). Immediately, comments started pouring in from people from different demographics, discussing why they would or wouldn't be getting the shot.

One has a needle phobia. Understandable. I've gotten used to getting pricked, but for most people, it's no fun. However, she also lives in a dorm. Again, close contact increases the chances of getting infected. Even if your whole network gets vaccinated, they might still be carriers of the disease and you, without the proper antibodies to fight off H1N1, can still get sick.

One family doesn't usually get the seasonal flu shot and won't be getting this one either. Not because it's not effective, really, but mostly because it's just been developed. What about long term side-effects? Medical experts and health officials have confirmed that the H1N1 vaccine is very much like the seasonal flu vaccines and side-effects should be just as limited.

What about Guillain-Barré syndrome? This auto-immune response is said to have caused deaths in the previous round of vaccinations against an influenza similar to H1N1 decades ago. However, the chances of getting Guillain-Barré syndrome are approximately 1 per 100,000, whether or not you actually get vaccinated. Plus, if you've ever been vaccinated against meningitis, which most of us have, you've already taken the risk of developing this disease.

There are reportedly nurses at a Canadian hospital that have refused to get the vaccine. If a case of H1N1 breaks out on their floor, they will all be sent home. Why wouldn't they get vaccinated? It's a personal choice and I'm sure they have their reasons. Still, by not getting inoculated, I feel that they are being irresponsible, putting their patients at risk and reducing the availability of health care professionals in the case of a local pandemic.

One person mentioned that his father is a doctor and has helped him dispel some of the confusion. He always gets his seasonal flu shot and will be getting the H1N1 vaccine as well. The one-in-a-million chance of complications from the vaccine goes head-to-head with a one-in-ten chance of complications from H1N1, he says. As he points out, the vaccine is tested, is safe, and the potential side-effects are minimal compared to the impact of swine flu on your health.

I might not always get my seasonal flu shot, but I always plan to. Even if you don't usually consider getting the seasonal vaccine, you should consider getting the H1N1 vaccine. It's a different strain and it affects different types of people than you'd usually expect. And sure, there's been hype over the numbers of swine flu-related deaths and the pandemic state of the disease. But the fact remains that swine flu is much tougher on your body, even if you are healthy.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion, to be sure, but take the time to research the facts on the vaccine for yourself. Don't just listen to what everyone else is saying. Talk to your doctor, but remember that his or her personal opinion will also affect his/her professional opinion.

Only you can make this decision. It's your life, your future, your well-being. Don't screw up.

On Indexing

When I decided to change my blog URL, I thought I had it made. I was finally ready to go from the unsophisticated, now defunct http://starshinediva.blogspot.com to the more professional http://nailaj.blogspot.com.

"NailaJ" also fit in with my "new" personal online branding as it matched my Twitter and Flickr handles. When I realized that I couldn't change my Flickr URL, I was disappointed, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

That's when I discovered the intricacies of search engine indexing.

Though I was always more or less aware of how sites got added to search engines, I forgot to take the lack of indexing into consideration when I switched URLs. I went from having having a respectable minimum amount of incoming traffic daily to almost no blog hits. For the longest time (give or take a week), I couldn't figure out why. (Not that I particularly value accidental 30-second clicks!)

That's when I noticed my keyword stats. Google and Yahoo! were no longer sending users my way (except for a couple of hits from Google.fi). Why? Well, even though I worked hard to establish my blog and presence online, indexing is still a primitive technology and couldn't see that I was still me, just... under another name and in a different place.

All my pride at my blog being the first search result for "Naila Jinnah"? Gone. Now, I've resorted to hoping that people will click on my Twitter feed, look under the bio, and stumble upon my blog, or find me through LinkedIn. It's no longer easy for employers to simply look me up. My social media/online branding credibility? Also greatly reduced.

Hopefully, my online involvement and activities will help boost my worth in Google's eyes and I'll return to my former blog glory... name recognition included.

Stay tuned...

PS: Maisonneuve re-posted my blog "On Hand Washing". How cool is that?

On #IN09

Wow.

What a whirlwind couple of days IN09 was! I really should have blogged about it earlier, but when I came home to Montreal, I also came home to a pile of work. Not that I'm complaining...

But I digress.

Last week, I flew to Toronto for The Interactive Exchange, formerly known as ICE, which took place from March 17 to 19, 2009.

It was amazing. I met so many interesting people with so many interesting thoughts, working on so many interesting projects. These people are truly innovative. They have experience being successful in our tumultuous times. They have great ideas about where the industry should be headed.

Sure most of the creative ideas came from social media types while traditional media emphasized that they wouldn't work as a business model... (Check out #IN09 on Twitter for all the fun.)

Still, an amalgamation of points from both sides might lead to sustainable platforms, both in terms of business and content. Don't ask me which points though... I'm not that smart!

Some highlights?

• The huge use of Twitter. Including the Twitter wall and panelist David Crow tweeting while on stage for "Future of the Medium (2): The New Rules".
• Meeting people I only knew online and making new contact who have become online friends.
• Discovering the variety of opportunities in interactive media, from news to gaming to social networking.
  
• Seeing what everyone else is planning, implementing, raving about, working on...
  
• Realizing that ethnography, aka the socio-anthropological impact of anything online is what really interests me.

And most importantly...

Finding out that there IS hope for the industry. Even though a lot of the news-related panels were a bit defeatists, I'm actually more optimistic now than before because I know the depth of creativity and the willpower of all those involved in helping the industry survive... no matter how different it will look and feel once it emerges from the turmoil.

Every panel I attended, whether I was there by choice or because I was assigned to it - via my super sneaky plan to get into IN09 by volunteering - gave me a wealth of knowledge and helped me grow as an online media content producer and enthusiast. Some filled me with wonder and others with so much information that I'll probably take another couple of weeks to finish processing it all.

And so, while this post was meant to be super insightful and full of goodies you may have missed if you didn't attend IN09, I'm just gonna leave it at this. And maybe I'll revisit the topic in a few weeks.

Meanwhile, check out the Twitter stream. It's worth it.

On job searching

So today I spent the day applying for a job. The whole day. One job.

It's often been said that job searching is a full-time job in itself, and never have I felt the full weight of that statement until this week.

Earlier this week, I spent a whole day trolling through various media job sites looking for open (and interesting) postings. I found 7. Now, it's not that I'm picky or anything - in fact, I even put far away jobs that I am borderline qualified for on my "must apply" list. And often, I start the process and stop it promptly, when I realize I have no clue what the acronyms in the qualification questionnaire stand for.

Of course, I don't just apply for anything. I don't apply for jobs I am under-qualified for, unless I really really really want it. Even then, I don't expect to get called for an interview. It's also a waste of time to apply for too many jobs, since writing cover letters can get to be a tedious task. However, I do still apply for jobs I know I can do but am over-qualified for - like the ones requiring a high school diploma and good people skills.

Yeah, somehow, I don't get called for those interviews either.

Job searching in journalism is not easy right now. Not only is the economy in recession - and therefore everyone's cutting back - the media industry has been in its own recession of sorts for a few years now. That means newspapers are cutting local staff (like at the Montreal Gazette, for example - sign the petition here!) and consolidating resources by producing less content and operating from one central location. Some broadcasters are under hiring freezes which means that although they have a number of open positions, they can't actually hire you in the end... This is also the cause of vanishing job listings - the ones that mysteriously disappear although the application deadline is still ways off.

In other words, it's a tough life, and you've got to spring on anything that comes your way, no matter how under or over qualified you are. It's also a very depressing situation.

The solution, or so I've heard, is to reach out to your network of contacts, and ask, push and even beg for a job - paid or unpaid - so you can learn, build more contacts, and hopefully eventually get a real position. Just don't fall into the endless internship scenario - I've known a few smart people who have - where you work hard for free and never have an honest chance of getting hired simply because there are no jobs (because there's no money) whether or not an extra hand is needed.

All in all, there's nothing to do but try everything. Again, over and over, and hope it produces results. Until then, try to balance the job search with the voluntary work... and perhaps a bit of a personal life.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to write a cover letter for this kick ass job I'm applying for.

Stay tuned!

Update...

... in the works. Possibly next week.

There's a lot to talk about, including

1- Convocation
2- National ISTAR/Calgary
3- Stampede Documentary
4- Toronto/Olympics contract

And more...

Stay tuned!