On calluses

Ah, calluses! You build them up, you bite them off, then build them up all over again.

Of course, I'm talking about the calluses on your fingers. It's probably unsanitary to bite off the calluses on your feet, and gross too. Calluses, as you probably know, are a thickened area of skin that has become hard due to irritation or pressure or repetitive use. For example, some people get calluses on their middle fingers from writing too much - I remember those from grade school essay/exam periods! Most people get calluses on their feet: the body's attempt to prevent the formation of blisters. Athletes get calluses too - whether it's from the monkey bars in the park, rock climbing, or rowing, to name but a few.

Everyone grows calluses at some point in their life. Sometimes, you're proud of them - like when it doesn't hurt to lace up your skates anymore. Sometimes, you'd rather not have them at all - like when they're painful or turn into corns. But usually, calluses are good for you.

I've developed a set of calluses on my fingers that I'm particularly proud of. They come from playing the guitar, an exercise that I keep trying to get into but often tend to neglect when "life" happens. I'm happy to say that since living in Kingston and arguably taking on more tasks, chores and responsibilities than ever before - at least in my personal life - I have been able to find more time for guitar playing.

I have been working on my chords, on musical sequences (or as I like to call them "switching fast"), as well as on picking. The latter needs a whole lot more work. The rest is progressing nicely. Recently, I figured out that I was playing the G chord wrong. I was hitting all the right spots but found it hard to "switch" from a G to a Bm, for example. It wasn't that my finger placement was wrong, per se. It's just that in some (many) cases, there was a more optimal placement option. My version works best for G-C-D songs, and playing with simple chords that are located on the first few frets. Throw in a chord that needs to be barred, like something in the F family, and I had a hard time making the switch in time.

Still, the fact that after all these years of attempting to get better at the guitar I've finally reached this level of understanding of my playing habits makes me ecstatic. It's going to take a lot of practice to break the habit, but at least I know what I need to work on. This means that I am not only finding the time to take care of myself outside of work (and by work, I mean school work, volunteer work, household work and paid work), but also that I'm finding the time to disconnect from technology and all that it encompasses (aka the pressures of deadlines, to-do lists, and social media) and reconnecting with my artistic side, and therefore, with myself.

It's interesting how once you open the door for music or any other form of art, you see poetry all around you. Life becomes lighter and more enjoyable, and high pressure situations are no longer do-or-die. Being one with my guitar, even if it's just for one hour a week, has sprouted some hope in me. Not the kind of hope that you get from seeing everyday life as beautiful - that I get all the time. Well, most of the time.

I'm talking about the hope that comes from knowing that in that moment, when you're fully immersed in the music, even if you're focusing on playing the chord just right and remembering the right lyrics and executing it all properly... for that one moment, there is nothing that matters other than you.

Just you. There is no outside pressure, no one tugging at your shirtsleeve (not even your subconscious!) and most importantly, there is a sense of peace and acceptance that this moment is as it is and cannot be changed or controlled or extended. It is, then it was, and it never will be again... and that's not a bad thing.

I think that it's important to find the trigger for this kind of appreciation of life and the space-time continuum. (Yes, I had to make this post somewhat geeky!) When I first started approaching yoga as a combination of physical activity and mind relaxation, I would get this same sort of feeling in the middle of a particularly stretchy sequence of cat & dog (or cat & cow, if that's how you like to call it.) But after time, that disappeared.

I am delighted to have once again found a trigger for this special moment and would like to speculate that it seems to require an enlightenment of more than one function - whether it's the mind/body duality or the music/learning combination. It needs to have both a work and relaxation aspect in order to be powerful. I'm sure some of you are thinking of sex right about now, but I would encourage everyone to find their own trigger aside from sex, which, clearly, does not always leave one with the hassle-free mind we're seeking, or the world would be even more overpopulated than it already is. Find something that calms you and brings you to your sense of oneness. Embrace the moment and harvest the rewards you will get from investing time and effort into that activity, whatever it may be.

And on that note, I'm off to restore some balance into this day by playing some guitar. Burn, calluses, burn!

Detoxing

Lately, I've been looking for new ways to detox.

Despite my fairly calm, easy life, I've been very stressed. I guess the whole job searching thing will do that to you. Not to mention unexpected dental fees, crazy work hours, deadlines, insane travel time to get anywhere that's anywhere, and a busy home life. Add to that personal stress like potential relationships, tricky friendships, family visits, and PMSing, and you've got my life.

Understandably, I can be a ball of nerves at times.

I tried taking baths, and that worked for a while. But sometimes you're just too exhausted for a bath - and fear falling asleep and sinking lower and lower in the not nearly big enough tub - or more likely, you just don't have time to relax and detox in the bath. Or the will for it.

I tried candles and incense, but as much as I try to contain it to my room, it does flow into the rest of the house, to everyone else's detriment - which just causes additional stress and frustration.

Yoga's been a great help but it just hasn't been as mind-clearing as usual in the past few weeks... Perhaps because I have too much on my mind or maybe because it's often my only form of mental relaxation. Random meditation/breathing exercises at home are a temporary solution, but consequently the positive effects don't stick around for long.

Music has been kinda working, but as much as I love Britney Spears' new CD, listening to Circus on repeat just won't cut it. Classical music worked on one day, the Star Trek soundtrack on another. Random country music favourites also help, but they're just not mind-numbing enough. In fact, I'd say they're thought provoking with their catchy tunes and deep lyrics.

So what else can I try?

My problem is that I tend to want to avoid thinking about several issues at the same time, and while one solution will take care of one of the negative thoughts, it might bring up another. It's a bit of a vicious circle, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it, other than doubling up on the yoga - which would be both expensive and taxing on the body. Seriously folks, after a good, active yoga session, my body honestly doesn't wanna stretch and bend like that again for oh, about a week or so.

And as much as I look forward to going to work as a form of entertainment - because of the excellent fun I have with my coworkers, the excitment in the air, and, of course, the hockey, work itself can be a cause of stress - or at least a reminder of it.

So I've taken to filling out surveys. Every night before I go to bed. Or at least, that's what I was doing a few weeks ago. Of course, everyone was in exams - or stressed out over the upcoming holidays - and so I had a constant string of new questionnaires to fill in, courtesy of friends' Facebook notes. Similarly, they'd feed my latest obsession by filling in the surveys I posted for procrastination purposes. Which fueled my search for more detailed and creative surveys to answer.

I've stopped doing the "must fill uber long survey instead of sleep" thing - mostly because I want to spend more time reading before bed, but when I feel particularly lethargic - a defensive reaction to stressful thoughts - I quickly search Facebook notes for a new survey to fill, or visit one of the many MySpace survey sites for something completely random.

What I really need, though, is a good cry.

After an extremely stressful week last week and several mini panic and/or anxiety attacks, I got over my immediate stress quite nicely with the above detoxing techniques... but I was so close to a breakdown that the tears are still lingering just under the surface. And while I'm not necessarily trying to hold them back, I'm not letting them fall free either. It would suck to have a long, hard cry for something that wasn't quite worth it. Somehow, I don't think it would accomplish anything long term - and so I'd be forced to cry once more to let it all out. And that's just not my MO.

Hopefully, having a bit more alone time during the holiday period will help - I'm looking forward to a mostly empty house, no crazy work hours or transportation issues, nearly no deadlines, and some "me" time.

Stay tuned...

Yoga: My first time

Yoga was amazing.

It's a lame opening sentence, sure, but it's also true.

My expectations going in were pretty dull. I was very interested in doing yoga, but I hadn't really thought about it since I made the decision to take classes. Also, I wasn't really in the mood to go. Thankfully, I had already called and reserved my spot... which compelled me to actually show up.

And I'm so glad I did.

We started with breathing exercises, which were useful with reconnecting myself with, well, myself. It also reminded me of breathing for singing, using the three different chambers. Very interesting stuff, that's for sure.

We then evolved to sun salutations and basic positions like the Sphynx. Then we did some standing poses and ended with more breathing and relaxation positions.

Not only did I feel my muscles work, it felt great to stretch for a reason, in a systematic manner as opposed to just for the need to stretch. I also loved the end relaxation period, where the teacher helps you relax by working on your muscles a bit... Yoga AND a massage? Awesome.

But the best part is, for the whole 1.5h, I did not think of anything else than my breathing and getting the positions right. No one and nothing else entered my thoughts. Even when people's cellphones rang, which was jarring. Yes, mine was on silent mode.

This was just an initiation class but I'm pretty sure I'm signing up for the 8-week beginner's lessons. Hopefully, I'll be committed enough to practice outside of class.

And to all my friends who knew I'd love it: thanks for constantly tell me how great it would be. Your stories did nothing to lower my expectations, and yet, each one of them was met!!

Yoga made me feel relaxed, whole, and peaceful... and yet it did make me work, and my muscles will be sore tomorrow. I think this is the perfect type of class for me... Something that combines how you feel with what you do, spirituality with materialism. I don't think I'll ever quit yoga.

Okay, I might quit temporarily, but the teachings will always be a part of me, in one way or another.